Author: Christa Deann

I am a pastor's wife, mom to two amazing college dudes, & A Sign Language Interpreter. I love Jesus and coffee! I love to repurpose items to give them new life. Fashion and design on a budget...just makes me smile.
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Faith Journey- Day 5

Day 5- A Continual Work in Progress

On Day 4 we focused on the goodness of our God. We learned that God’s goodness is not based on His actions alone…it’s who He is. When we try to define God’s goodness from our limited perspective, we will be disappointed. God’s ongoing work in our lives is to produce His holiness. Often, that can be a painful process.

Today, let’s focus on the process of becoming holy. Holiness is not something we will fully achieve this side of glory. Holiness is the ongoing, active work of the Holy Spirit in our lives.

I was beginning to learn this process of holiness throughout our Ryan story. At that time, I was completely desperate for The Lord’s presence, comfort, peace, guidance, help, and any other adjectives that can be added to this list. I was desperate…period. My desperation kept drawing me back to Him constantly. I did not know much, but I knew enough to seek the Only One who had answers.

My prayer journal entry from August 1996 (six weeks after our Ryan’s open-heart surgery):

” Lord, I praise You that Ryan is getting stronger every day. I see progress. However, his pediatrician is concerned that he is not sitting up on his own yet. We are starting physical therapy. Please help Ryan to gain strength.

 I am tired. I thought that after his open-heart surgery all would be good. Why is he not meeting benchmarks? Lord, help my unbelief when things get difficult. Help me to rest in Jesus…In the calm assurance of His grace and mercy. Your Word says that you have a plan and purpose for my life (and Ryan’s) and that you are faithful to complete it.

 Once again, I come before you and beg that You, oh Lord, empty this vessel of self and fill it with Your Holy Spirit to be used and poured out for Your glory.

 I love you, Lord, make it my heart’s desire to follow and cling to you even when I don’t “feel” like it, when I’m tired…overwhelmed…discouraged…struggling with unbelief.

 Please give me strength and wisdom to be Ryan’s mom. You have trusted me with this special gift. I don’t want to mess up. I NEED You, I cannot do this on my own.”

 Read Romans 5:1-5

According to verse 3 and 4 what does suffering produce in our lives if we hold steadfast to our faith?

 

 

Answer honestly…would you have these characteristics if not for your difficulties, suffering, or trials?

 

 

I know I would not. Utter and desperate dependence on The Lord Jesus has come as a result of my sufferings. My suffering has produced perseverance. My hope in Christ is the result of my perseverance (patience). My hope and faith established in Jesus Christ alone, brings about the sanctification of holiness.

  • Read James 1:2-5

 

 

What does the testing of our faith bring? What about the work of perseverance or patience?

 

 

The word perseverance or patience (in some translations) is the Greek word humomone.This word does not describe passiveness but an active endurance.

In Tony Evan’s book, “Your Comeback,” he states:

“We often make the mistake of being inactive when we’re facing trials and challenges of life. When the mountain seems too high to climb or too large to move, we sit and leave it all for God to do. But, too often, while we think we are waiting on God, He is actually waiting on us. He is waiting to see if we will take an action of faith, even in the face of the impossible.”

 The impossible is possible with God alone! But, we have to be actively pursuing our faith journey with Him. Sometimes, we become so paralyzed by our circumstances that we do nothing. Our faith is not passive. It’s active. God is working in and through us continually. AND, we must actively pursue Him with our obedience. Our Creator God has so much to teach us. Let’s be actively involved in the process of learning.

Don’t know what to do…tell Him. Feeling overwhelmed…tell Him. Struggling with unbelief…tell Him. Battling discouragement and/or depression…Tell Him. Actively seeking God, in the midst of struggles, will produce godly characteristics, called holiness.

Pray and ask The Lord to bring about His holiness through perseverance as you actively seek Him. He is faithful to do it!

Keep on trucking through our Faith Journey. Jesus is so worth it! I’m praying for you, my sojourning sister!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Faith Journey-Day 4

Day 4- Is God Good?

On Day 3, we discussed The Lord as the “Master Dot Connector” in each of our lives. He takes what seems like randomness and connects us to others to accomplish His plan with perfect precision. Today, we are going to start wrestling with the question of God’s goodness. When pain and suffering come into our lives, is God good?

The day we had dreaded most finally arrived. At six months old, Ryan was diagnosed as “failure to thrive.” His cardiologist determined that he needed open-heart surgery sooner rather than later. Ryan was so frail and weighed only 11 pounds.

At Ryan’s pre-op appointment, Ron and I listen in horror as the cardiac surgeon explained the details of his open-heart surgery. The surgeon  went over how they would crack open Ryan’s little chest…stop his heart…place him on a heart by-pass machine…and operate on his tiny heart which was smaller than your two thumbs put together (knuckle to tip).

As we began the daunting process of preparing (emotionally) for surgery day God would, again, use Heidi, her husband, and their Ryan K to minister us (see Day 1 if you missed this story). Ryan K had made it through his open-heart surgery and was doing extremely well. They were an amazing encouragement of what could be.

A couple of nights before Ryan’s surgery, our young adult Sunday school class came to our home and held a prayer service over us. Heidi, Ryan K’s mom, brought a photo album of pictures she had taken right after his surgery. She asked to show them to me privately. Through tears she explained that she wanted us to be prepared for what our Ryan would look like after surgery. I remember looking at those pictures and being shocked at all the tubes and monitors hooked up to Ryan K’s little body. I am so thankful that the Lord prompted Heidi to take those photos so she could minister to me in such special way. The Master Dot Connector…2 Corinthians 1:3-7

Our long drive to the hospital was silent. I believe Ron and I were just physically exhausted and emotionally numb . I finally broke the silence with a question I had thought but never said out loud, “if Ryan doesn’t make it, should we donate his organs?” Ron’s voice cracked with his one word response, “yes.”

The day of the surgery, Ryan was so fussy and hungry. I was trying my hardest to calm him with just a pacifier while holding back tears of my own. It was time, the nurse came to escort us to the surgery holding area. When we arrived, Ryan snuggled into my neck and fell fast asleep. He was finally peaceful and relaxed. A few moments later the anesthesiologist took our sleeping, precious treasure into his arms. Ron and I  kissed Ryan’s sweet head and watched as he was walked down the hall and out of sight.

We both walked into the hall way and completely lost it. Ron and I held each other sobbing for what seemed like hours. We had literally just laid our greatest earthly treasure on the altar before The Lord.

Would God intervene and heal Ryan or take him home to heaven? Our Ryan was in His hands. There was absolutely nothing we could do, except pray.

The surgery was 6 excruciating hours. To our relief, Ryan made it through surgery without complications. We praise The Lord for that everyday. But…what if he had not? Is God still good? When the outcomes are not what we had hoped or prayed, is God still good?

With each new diagnosis, surgery, and therapy I wrestled with this question. Is God good? Remember, I am sharing my experience with you through a 22 year rear view perspective. At that time, in the middle of my valleys I experienced despair and yes, I had doubts about God’s goodness.

During this season, the floor of our spare bedroom became my prayer alter. It was there, over and over, that I questioned God’s goodness and poured out my feelings of doubt and unbelief. My problem was that I tried to define what I thought His goodness should be. From my finite understanding, I had a warped view of my situation and how God would show His goodness in the midst. God was patiently teaching me His character of goodness. God is not just good because of what he does…It’s who He is.

 

Read Psalm 46

 

Write out verse 1:

 

 

In “trouble” who is our help and refuge?

 

 

“God is good – not because he causes things that seem or feel ‘good’ to happen in our lives, but because in the midst of the storm, God comes closer to us than the storm could ever be.” Charles Spurgeon

 

 

In verse 7, who is our stronghold?

 

Stronghold means a high, safe place. Our God is our high, safe, refuge, and shelter.

Some of you are going through some STUFF! Painfully excruciating STUFF! The kind of stuff where even breathing and blinking hurt. Your God wants to become your stronghold if you will allow Him to.

 

Pray Psalm 46:1-5 back to the Lord. Allow Him to become your stronghold in the midst of your pain. To be able to proclaim with sincere honesty, “No matter what may come, God IS GOOD!”

 

 

Our Ryan hours after surgery. I’m so thankful God connected me with Heidi to prepare for this.

 

 

Praying for you, my friend. Stay on the Faith Journey !

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Faith Journey-Day 3

Day 3- The Master Dot Connector

Yesterday’s devotion was about self-imposed “extreme guilt syndrome” and/or a heart check regarding sin. Difficult, I know. But, so necessary to our faith journey with The Lord.

Today, we will celebrate His active work in our lives as the Master Dot Connector! I am sure there are seasons in which we feel overwhelmed by what seems like random chaos in our lives. You can be confident, there is absolutely nothing random about our God. He was actively orchestrating His Master Dot Connecting skills in our lives even before we were born.

I am adopted. My parents tried for six years to have children of their own. At their last appointment, the doctor told them that he had exhausted all options. He, then,  handed my mom a piece of paper containing the name and number of an adoption agency.

Six months later, they adopted me into their family. I love God’s divine plan but, also, snicker at  His sense of humor. Nine months after bringing me home, my mom was pregnant with my middle sister. And four years after that…OOPS! She was pregnant with my baby sister. My dad, bless his heart, was overrun with females. Even our dogs were female.

I always knew I was adopted. My parents did not keep that a secret from me. I was never made to feel “lesser than” my sisters. Through the years, I had questions about my birth parents and all the natural inquisitions about who I might look like. However, I was simply curious. It was never because I felt unloved or unwanted.

At age 18, my mom and I started a search for my birth parents with the adoption agency… nothing came of it. And life went on. I started college, married Ron, and then our Ryan came storming into our lives.

At around 3 months old, Ryan  had an  appointment with a geneticist. The purpose of this visit was to see if Ryan’s heart condition might be connected to a syndrome.

I was not prepared for the litany of questions regarding mine and Ron’s familial health history. I sat and listen intently as Ron recalled his family history to the best of his recollection. Then it was my turn…I had nothing. I explained that I was adopted and had no medical history. The geneticist’s next words hit me like a brick, “it might be time to have your birth records unsealed.” That just seemed like and overwhelming and daunting task at that time.

After the appointment, Ron went back to work and I headed home with a very tired and irritable Ryan. Maybe The Lord sensed my mounting stress…and decided to unburden me. Of course, I can only speculate on that. But, His timing was certainly awe-worthy to say the least, because that afternoon my phone rang,

“Hello, I’m not sure if you remember me but you and you mom started a search for your birth parents with our agency several years ago. We have just put in place a new search program for those wanting to find their biological parents and you came to my mind. I have found your birth mother and she is anxious to speak with you. Would you like her phone number?”

Ummm…YES, please!

This sweet lady at the agency had no idea how her obedience to the Holy Spirit’s prompting would lighten this girl’s load and minster to my spirit. I was able to share with her just what amazing timing she had through the Lord. She was a Christian and we shared a sweet time of prayer together before we hung up the phone.

That evening with my mom and hubby present, I called my biological mom, Ann. We talked for a long time. We shared and cried, shared and cried. Ann carried a huge amount of guilt about giving me up for adoption. I was able to unburden her heart by reassuring her that I had been given a wonderful life and God used her unselfish act of love to place me exactly where He desired.

I was, also, relieved to learn that there were no extreme health issues that she was aware of on her side of the family. Whew!

Ann lived in Ohio. But, we kept in touch by sharing letters and pictures back and forth for several years. Finally, through circumstances too lengthy to share, we were able to meet face to face for the first time at her home in Ohio.

I was able to have some time alone with Ann and her husband, Wylie. I took the opportunity to thank her in person for her selfless gift of love through adoption. I went on to share with them about my second adoption…into the Family of God. “Ann and Wylie, I don’t know what the future holds. We are not guaranteed tomorrow. But, if we never see each other again here on earth, it’s my prayer that we will see each other again in heaven one day. Can I tell you about my Jesus?”

Ann and Wylie accepted Christ that day. It was a precious time that I will cherish always. They have both gone home to be with Jesus. I am so grateful that I will see them again one day in Glory.

I know beyond all doubt that The Lord connected my adoption to the birth of my sweet Ryan. And then, circled back around to meeting and sharing Jesus with Ann and Wylie. He’s the Master Dot Connector, that’s just what He does.

My God-story is not unique. Each of us has a Master Dot Connector testimony. Let’s take time to be in awe of His great work in our lives and in the lives of those we love. Nothing happens by chance…He orchestrates it ALL.

  • Read Ephesians 1

What does it mean to be chosen in Him before the foundations of the earth (vs 4)?

 

Are you “adopted” by God? Take a minute to share your testimony of your salvation (adoption) experience.

 

 

Read back over it and praise Him for His redeeming, dot connecting work in your life that led to your salvation. If you are reading this and you do not have a God adoption story, please contact me below.

 

Think about the dots The Lord has connected in your life? Relationships, opportunities to share Jesus, compassion connections, ministry connections, adoption, birth stories, friendships, job opportunities, mission trips, and etc. Write down a few.

 

These connections are ministry. The Lord is living and active in our lives. He takes what we see as randomness and connects the dots. There are people in our lives that are meant to be a blessing to us and then there are people we are meant to bless. Each God-connection is ordained. Yes, even the EGR (Extra Grace Required) people God has strategically placed in your life.

Pray, today, that the “eyes of your heart” will be enlightened to His consistent and amazing work in your life. That you will know and walk into the hope of your calling, sweet sister.

“I pray that the eyes of your heart may be enlightened, so that you will know what is the hope of His calling, what are the riches of the glory of His inheritance in the saints, and what is the surpassing greatness of His power toward us who believe…” Ephesians 1:18-19

I’m praying for you!

 

 

 

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Faith Journey- Day 2

Day 2- Who’s to Blame?

On Day 1, I explained how I was angry with the Lord and finally laid that out before Him. But, before I had that break through, I was suffering from self diagnosed  “extreme guilt syndrome.”

 I don’t know about you, but anytime I find myself in a difficult situation, I wonder if it’s my fault. What did I do wrong? What could I have done differently? Is God punishing me?

When Ryan was born, we were expecting a healthy baby. After all, that’s what we had prayed for. We did not expect our beautiful son to be born with life threatening health problems that sent him to NICU. And would require open-heart surgery.

I began questioning everything I had done during my pregnancy. Although, I was very conscious about eating healthy and eliminating the things that were unhealthy, I took the burden of Ryan’s condition on myself. I examined every aspect of my pregnancy because I thought it could have been my fault. Worse, yet, had I offended God? Was He punishing me?

After self-examination, God did assure me, through the power of His Word, that Ryan’s condition was not my fault. He bought back to my mind Psalm 139: 13-17 and John 9:1-3. He reminded me that HE is our sovereign Creator. Nothing escapes Him or happens without His knowledge and permission. In THIS situation, God tended to my burdened heart and released me from my self-imposed guilt.

However, there have been times in my life that my Father God enacted discipline because of my sinful actions. I believe that is why I reacted to Ryan’s illness the way I did. I wanted to be sure that our situation was not Daddy’s discipline.

This is the heart of today’s lesson–

When things go wrong in our lives…do we analyze ourselves to see if we bear “fault” in the situation? I feel strongly, based on the scripture we will study, that we should.

In my growing relationship with The Lord, I have learned that it’s healthy to look inward first before launching to blame someone else or to justify my actions/choices. Let’s be honest, it’s easier to blame others than take responsibility for our actions.

Today, we will learn how to examine ourselves before the Lord. Some difficulties or trials we face are for the express purpose of refining, sifting, and ministry preparation. But, some difficulties are the result of sin that has gone unchecked far too long.

Let’s do a heart check–

  • Read Psalm 26:2 and Psalm 139:23-24

 

 

What does David ask God to do? Why do you think this is important?

 

Long before David took the throne, he was chosen and anointed King. However, it was a long, scary, and tedious journey to the throne. God had a lot of prep work to do in David’s heart and mind before He placed him on the throne. That prep work included a heart of repentance and an unwavering faith.

 

 

  • Read Jeremiah 17:9-10

What is deceitful or desperately wicked?

 

 

According to verse 10 what does God search?  What does he test or examine?

 

 

I love the way the NASB translation lays it out there plain as day…

“ 9 The heart is more deceitful than all else and is desperately sick; who can understand it? 10  “I, The Lord, search the heart, I test the mind, Even to give to each one according to his ways, according to the results of his deeds.”

Jeremiah 17:6-10

 

I heard a saying when my boys were young and quickly placed it into my parenting tool box, “obedience brings blessing, disobedience brings consequences.” To every sinful or disobedient act, there are consequences. Some of our situations are the result of sin. It is so important that we start calling them what they are and stop justifying our sinful attitudes and actions. Our hearts (feelings) can and will deceive us. Every action must be scrubbed against God’s Word. If we are disobedient to His Word, it’s sin.

Anytime you find yourself in the midst of difficulty, ask The Lord through the Holy Spirit to, first, examine your heart and test your mind. Then, immediately repent if your behavior has been contrary to scripture.

This is HARD! I am right there with you…

Examine the difficult situation that you shared on Day 1.  Do you need to ask the Lord to examine your heart and test your mind?

 

Pray and ask the Lord to examine your heart and mind to see if there is any evil  or hurtful actions that need to be cleansed. Then, repent of the sin He brings to your mind. The Lord can redeem any situation. Yes, even those of our own sinful making. He is the Restorer of our souls.

Maybe today your heart was unburdened of your own version of self-imposed “extreme guilt syndrome” by your Creator and Sustainer. If you did not already do so, please read Psalm 139: 13-17 and John 9:1-3. 

Stay on the journey…don’t give up!

I am praying for you!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Faith Journey- Day 1

As I stated in my “Faith Journey-Intro,” The Lord has worked profoundly in my life through the birth of our first-born son, Ryan. I have learned so much about the faithful character of God throughout my journey as being Ryan’s (and later, Landon’s) mom.

My prayer is that you will commit to just 30 days with me. Please feel free to print out the questions or copy and paste them into a word document.

I would love for you to ask questions, comment, or request prayer along the way. Now…let’s get started. I’m praying for you.

 

Day 1

The day after his birth, Ryan experienced a “blue spell” while being examined by his pediatrician. After many tests, we received the news that he had a congenital heart defect called “Tetralogy of Fallot  [fa-loh].” This meant our Ryan would need open heart surgery.

Wait…why did Tetralogy of Fallot sound familiar to Ron and I?

One week before our Ryan was born, we got a call from a dear friend in our Sunday School Class. There was a  couple in our class who had a baby boy three months earlier who was born with a heart defect. His name was Ryan K. My friend informed us that baby Ryan was being transported by helicopter to All Children’s Hospital for emergency open-heart surgery. Baby Ryan K. had a heart defect called “Tetralogy of Fallot.”

I want to stress this…”Tetralogy of Fallot” is a very rare heart condition. Affecting less than 20,000 babies per year.

And this was the 2ndtime in one week we had heard the term “Tetralogy of Fallot.” Both babies named Ryan. Coincidence?! Absolutely not! Only the Creator God could have orchestrated this connection. However, that is only seen from my rearview mirror perspective. At that moment in time, I was hurting too badly to see God’s hand in this situation. It was only when Heidi, Ryan K’s mom, reached out to me a short while later, that I began to see God’s grace and get a glimpse of His Sovereignty. I will share more of this God-connection in the days ahead together.

To say we were devastated about Ryan’s diagnosis would be a gross understatement. We left the hospital without Ryan. It’s hard to describe the feeling of coming home with an empty belly, empty arms, to an empty bassinet. I was so emotionally and physically drained but I knelt by the bassinet and sobbed. Ron joined me and we prayed and begged the Lord to take care of our precious Ryan.

After 7 long days of back and forth caring for Ryan in NICU, it was time for him to come home. We were given  a  list of “cardiac failure symptoms” to keep an eye on.  I felt like I was on death watch. It was terrifying! Ryan was never out of my sight. At night, I slept with one hand in his bassinet so I could feel him breathe.

I was exhausted! Ryan rarely slept and when he did, I felt compelled to catch up on chores. Stupid, I know, but I thought I could handle everything. I would keep myself busy to avoid an all out breakdown.  I was bound and determined to be strong. I would put on a happy face and tell everyone I was “fine.” After all…that’s what a good Christian did, right?!

To keep up with the “all is fine facade,” I enrolled in a women’s Bible study when Ryan was a few weeks old.  This study went deep and cut to the core. One night during the teacher’s video segment she said something that echoed in my spirit like bull horn, “If you are angry with God, tell Him. He’s got big shoulders, he can handle it.” My heart began to beat out of my chest. That was it!!! I was down right ANGRY!

Since Ryan’s birth, I had cried, begged for healing, and cried some more. That night, I had the realization that deep down I was extremely angry with God for allowing Ryan to be born so sick. I had prayed about our situation, but I never told Him how truly heartbroken and betrayed I felt. After all, He could have prevented this, why didn’t He? What did Ron and I do to deserve this? What did our precious baby do to deserve this?

I couldn’t get home fast enough. I gave the Lord an earful that night.  In our spare bedroom, lying on the floor…I yelled, cried, and poured out my frustrations and heart-break to my God with big shoulders.

What happened next was completely unexpected.  God poured out His peace that surpasses understanding. I had never experienced that downpour of peace before. I was so overcome and comforted by it that I stayed to rest in His presence for a while.

When I finally got up off the floor, my son was not instantly healed and all our problems did not vanished. But, My God was faithful to continue to pour out His peace and comfort like I had never known. He was my Savior. He was my Lord. That night, He became my peace. I felt a calm assurance that He would see us through whatever was headed our way. This would not be the last time I poured out my heart on His BIG shoulders.

We will learn throughout our faith journeys that God does nothing without a purpose. But first, we must come before Him with honest, heartfelt confession about our situation…Let Him assure you of His presence and peace in the midst of difficulty.

 

  • Read Philippians 4:6-7 and Romans 8:26-28

 

Do you believe that God is for you and not against you?

 

 

Have you experienced His peace that surpasses understanding?

 

 

Tell about a time you unleashed your deepest hurts on God’s big, broad shoulders. If you are in the middle of a deep valley of hurt, take time now to go before Him and pour out your heart.

Tell the Lord how you feel. Confess, repent, tattle, proclaim, adore, yell, thank, or ________________________.

 

Our God can be trusted. Nothing happens without his knowledge or permission. As you begin to sojourn with The Lord, you will see His mighty hand of guidance and preparation…for our good and His Glory.

Pray this promise back to the One who created you and knows you today–

“I know I am Your creation, created in Christ Jesus for good works, that You, My God,  prepared so that I my walk in them.”

“ For we are His creation, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared ahead of time that we may walk in them.” Ephesians 2:10

Hang in there, sweet friend. There is purpose in the pain. To end today, re-read 2 Corinthians 1:3-7. Why does God comfort us?

 

I’m praying for you!

 

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Faith Journey- Intro

FAITH JOURNEY-INTRO

My faith in Jesus Christ as my Savior and Lord is the core of who I am. I have experienced Christ in profound ways in my life. I am certain that without a strong faith foundation, I would have been crushed under the circumstances in my life.

My life verse that has seen my through difficulties:

“Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of Mercies and God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our affliction so that we will be able to comfort those who are in any affliction with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God.” 2 Corinthians 1:3-4

At age 24, I gave birth to our son, Ryan. From a pregnancy standpoint, everything went swimmingly! There were no complications. When Ryan arrived he was seemingly healthy. He stayed in our room with us and we had an amazing night together as a family. It was at his pediatric check-up the next morning he exhibited “blue spells.” Our pediatrician informed us that Ryan was being admitted to NICU for further testing. My husband, Ron, and I were devastated. How could God allow this to happen? We had prayed for Ryan even before he was conceived. WHY GOD??? resonated in our hearts and minds.

Looking in the rear view mirror, we can see God’s fingerprints all over our situation. He was comforting us SO THAT we could later comfort others. But, at the time we were devastated. Ryan was diagnosed with a congenital heart defect that would require open-heart surgery. The next weeks and months that followed were filled with endless specialist appointments…

If not for my relationship with Jesus Christ, I would have spiraled into a pit of despair. It was during this season, that The Lord led me to 2 Corinthians 3-8. While in my mind I knew that He was orchestrating our circumstances for our good and His glory, I was beginning to experience a crisis of faith.

I want to share my story of faith-crisis in hopes it might encourage others. I want to be clear…I never doubted that God existed or my salvation, but I was feeling He had somehow abandoned us…

Please join me for a 30 Day Faith Journey. I will post a new devotion each day for the next 30 Days. You can subscribe to my blog to receive notice when new posts are added.