I am the only female in our family. My husband, Ron, taught our boys to cherish me as a princess. He did a wonderful job teaching our sons to honor me and other females in their lives. Ron instilled character traits that would translate into honoring their future wives. Both my boys treated me with dignity and chivalry as modeled by their dad. My car door has always been opened for me, as well as, doors entering any establishment. We strongly believed our boys could be both chivalrous AND dudes who loved football, shooting guns, etc.
Since our boys were little, we have prayed regularly for their future wives and their families. God has answered one of those prayers. Her name is Abigail.
Our youngest son, Landon, is getting married. Some of you who know us, are doing the math. Yes…Landon is 19 years old. Abigail is 18. Some have asked, “why in the world are they getting married so young?!” Our answer; why not?
Let me explain…
Ron and I raised our sons to approach dating very seriously. We did not allow our boys to text or call girls when they received their phones at age 13, even to the snickers from our Christian friends who thought we were going overboard. However, we felt strongly that those conversations, even through texting, could lead to emotional relationships we knew our boys were not mature enough to handle. And, since they were not old enough to even contemplate dating, those opposite-sex friendships needed to have healthy boundaries.
When Landon was sixteen (and a half), he expressed a desire to start dating. Our requirement was that Landon go through the True Love Project before entering into a dating relationship. This study discourages “sport dating,” and emphasizes cherishing a young lady’s heart in a God-honoring way.
Let me be clear…at the time, Landon thought we were being ridiculous. He did not enter into this study with joy, but out of duty. In spite of his protest, we saw God work in Landon’s life. I love how God’s Word accomplishes its purposes even when we approach it as an obligation.
Ron and I poured into Landon, helping him to understand the benefits of establishing boundaries in dating relationships, both physically and emotionally. Most importantly, we wanted Landon to take his role as spiritual leader with the “weight” of responsibility it requires. When Landon wanted to date a young lady, it was our requirement that he first talk with her dad before asking her out. This served two purposes: it was a sign of respect for her and thwarted “careless” dating without prayerful contemplation.
I wish I could tell you Landon did the “dating thing” perfectly. He did not. He got his heart broken, and sadly, also broke a young lady’s heart. There were a couple of times Landon stepped outside the boundaries that we had established, only to realize mom and dad were right and had his best interest at heart all along. These two failures gave us the opportunity to discuss what went wrong and to provide spiritual counsel for future relationships.
Then, in December 2017, Landon’s face lit-up describing a young lady he had met at school named Abigail (Abbie). Ron and I had not seen that in Landon before. He actually blushed as he shared all the attributes he liked about her and how she was different, in a positive way. We prayed for and with Landon as he sought her father’s blessing before asking her out.
Abigail had Landon’s heart from the start, as he did hers. She is beautiful inside and out. The way she loves Landon makes this mama’s heart feel at peace. Most importantly, Abigail loves Jesus and desires to be a godly wife. We have seen Landon cherish Abigail’s heart as unto The Lord by being the spiritual leader in their relationship. They have diligently taken extra steps of accountability to keep themselves pure. Together, they want to honor their Savior with their lives as husband and wife.
Abigail’s dad, Sid, is a pastor as well. Neither Sid nor Ron could biblically find reason for them not to get married. “Being too young” is not in the Bible. “Having a college degree first”, is not in the Bible. “Waiting until you are financially stable”, is not in the Bible. Therefore, they have the blessing and support of their families as they marry and head off to college together. Landon and Abigail are under no illusion that their “happily ever after” will be free of hardship and challenges. However, with the Lord’s help, they will face those difficulties and come out with a deeper faith and dependance on the One and Only.
Parents and Grandparents–Let’s be careful not to impose our feelings about waiting to marry or citing cultural “norms” above Biblical counsel. Don’t delay in taking due diligence on the front end before your child starts dating. I believe we, parents, put more emphasis on athletics, GPA’s, SAT’s, and ACT’s rather than helping our children prepare Biblically for a covenant marriage.
I am sure that some may criticize, but here it goes anyway…allowing your 13-15 year old children to enter into romantic, boyfriend/girlfriend relationships sets them up for heartbreak and failure. You are allowing them to toy with feelings and emotions that they are not physically or spiritually equipped to handle. As Christ followers, we should seek to parent counter-culturally and pro-scripture. A foundation built on Jesus Christ will not crumble when the winds and storms come. Our children need to see Jesus lived-out in our own homes and marriages with deep conviction and without hypocrisy. Deuteronomy 6 instructs us to teach our children “as we go.” Everyday brings new opportunities to teach and disciple. Raising godly children is not for wienies…it’s hard work and perseverance as unto The Lord. But, well worth the investment!
Jesus said, “they are like a man building a house, who dug down deep and laid the foundation on rock. When a flood came, the torrent struck that house but could not shake it, because it was well built.” Luke 6:48
