Tag: deaf

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Faith Journey-Day 8

Day 8- Bitter or Better?

On Day 8, I shared Ryan’s diagnosis that changed everything about our lives. Our Ryan was Deaf. We had to grieve his hearing loss much like you would grieve a death. The Lord could not bring healing to our hurts until we accepted His will, whatever that may be.

The last stage of the grief process is acceptance. I want to be completely honest with you, friends. The Lord and I had come a long way together on our Faith Journey. He had grown me up spiritually in ways that I would not trade for anything. But, even with the great distance The Lord and I had traveled together…I was struggling to find His goodness in Ryan’s deafness. I was standing at a cross-road on my Faith Journey. I could turn away from my Savior in anger and become bitter OR I could cling to Him with what little strength I had and allow Him to make me better.

So, at this cross-road, do I choose the path named “bitter” or the path named “better?”   If I choose “bitter,” that would mean doing life without the help and guidance of The Lord. I would need to depend on MY wisdom…that’s scary.  If I chose “better,” that would mean complete acceptance of our situation, allowing His healing of our broken hearts, and completely leaning on His guidance and wisdom.

Kicking and screaming…I chose the path named “better.” I let The Lord know I was not happy about it. But, came to a place of acceptance.

In every situation, we have a choice. I chose the path leading to “better.” It was my choice of obedience over my feelings. I was not, at all, feeling happy that my child was Deaf. However, The Lord’s desire was/is not to make me happy. It’s to make me holy. He was asking me to look back at our Faith Journey together and remember who He is and what He has done thus far.

  • Read 1 Samuel 7: 1-12

The Israelites are a fascinating people. One minute they are serving and praising God. The next, they are making and worshipping golden calves. They had experienced the literal presence of God and seen His miracles first hand. And yet, they had a pattern of forgetting all God had done for them when things got tough.

In 1 Samuel 7, Israel was is bad shape. Their cities were in shambles, armies destroyed, and they were being bullied by the Philistines. Why? They were disobedient to God. But, the Israelites had come to a place of desperation and needed God’s help. Verse 2 says that, “all of Israel lamented (mourned) and sought The Lord.” Samuel called them to repent with all their heart and turn back to God. They chose to be obedient to God.

Because of the Israelites obedience, God sent confusion over the Philistines and what was left of the Israelite army defeated them.

Write out 1 Samuel 7: 12

 

What did Samuel “set-up?” Why?

 

An “Ebenezer” or “stone of help,”  was set-up as a remembrance that “thus far The Lord has helped us.”

We should regularly set-up Ebenezers is our own lives. Your Ebenezers do not have to be actual stones. Use prayer journals or your Bible Study workbooks to record your prayers and how The Lord works in your life.

We need to be reminded often that “Thus far, The Lord has helped us.” So that, when we are standing at a cross-road on our Faith Journey, we can look back and remember His faithfulness. Then, confidently and obediently (not necessarily with happiness), choose the path named “better.”

Pray and give thanks, “Thus far, The Lord has helped us.” He’s not gonna stop now. He’s got too many plans for your sweet life!

Choose the faith path named “better” today. I’m praying for you, my friend!

 

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Faith Journey-Day 7

Day 7- Profound Silence

It was the end of summer, 1997, Ryan was 18 months old. My husband and I were waiting for the audiologist to finish Ryan’s sedated hearing test. Because Ryan did not receive a hearing test while he was in NICU after his birth, his pediatrician set the appointment for us. It was routine… Just another doctor’s appointment to add to the growing list.

Finally, after an hour, we were called back to be with Ryan and learn the test results. The audiologist took a deep breath and said, “your son is profoundly deaf. We did the test twice just to be sure. Ryan can not hear anything out of either ear… I’m so very sorry.”

We did not expect that AT ALL. We were in denial and completely ignorant…Ryan seemed so keenly aware of his surroundings and babbled like crazy. In fact, one of Ryan’s specialists rang a bell next to his head and he turned. Deaf, really?! This was just supposed to be an easy, routine appointment for once!!! We were in shock.

The next day, I was playing with Ryan on our living room floor. He was laughing out loud enjoying our playtime together. I looked at him in disbelief. This child could not possible be deaf. I decided to do my own home hearing test. I went around the corner and began to bang pot and pans hoping for a reaction…Nothing. Then, I turned on our stereo full blast…Nothing. I called his name from around the corner just out of his line of sight…Nothing.

Over the next days and weeks, I began to set my mind on finding a solution. The questions swirling around in my head were about hearing aids, sign language, retesting, and about a million other things I was completely clueless about.  I spent hours on the phone talking with doctors, audiologists, and specialists trying to find out how to “fix” Ryan’s deafness.  20 years ago, the web was slow and tedious. So, I began reading books about deafness from the library and tracking down people who could help me better understand what we were facing.

During this time of my “solution seeking expedition” regarding Ryan’s deafness, I decided to take him to “story-time” at our church library. It was a fun time with my friends and their toddlers. The librarian was a skilled story-teller and always made it memorable. This was our first time back since Ryan’s diagnosis.

As the librarian began telling the story, I got a lump in my throat as I held back tears. Ryan could not hear the inflection and excitement in her voice. I watched the other toddlers getting excited with each turn of the page. Ryan… had no reaction at all. Why had I not noticed this before?

Story time ended, I did not stay around for fellowship. I could not get out of there fast enough! I barely got Ryan buckled into his car seat before I burst into tears. My first instinct was to drive directly to my mom’s house…. she was not home. Then, I tried to call my husband, Ron, at work…. he was unavailable.

I had no choice…God was calling me to Himself.

I rushed home, got Ryan settled in for a nap, and headed to my spare bedroom “prayer altar” yet again. My Ryan could hear NOTHING. Sound had no meaning to him what-so-ever. He did not know the sound of mine or his dad’s voice. He never heard the millions of times I said, “I Love You.” I’m Ryan’s mom, how did I miss the signs?! Would he ever hear my voice?! Oh Lord, how could this possibly be your will?!  How can any good come from this at all?!

As I have shared, this was not the first time I have cried out to The Lord over Ryan. But this time was different. I had to completely release my ideas of “normal” in relation to our precious son. I was literally grieving Ryan’s diagnosis of profound deafness much like you would someone’s death. Over the next several weeks, I experienced all 5 stages of grief:

shock…denial…anger…bargaining…depression…testing…acceptance.

Our lives would be forever different. We had a deaf son. What did our “new normal” even look like?

 

  • Read Psalm 146:

 

In verses 6-9, list those that The Lord upholds, helps, sets free, heals, loves, watches over, and sustains:

 

Are you on that list? Yep! You are not forsaken or overlooked, my friend.

Imagine standing in the middle of a valley surrounded by mountains on every side. The only way out is to go up and over a mountain.  Do you think the journey will be easy? Absolutely not! The task seems overwhelming, tiresome, emotionally and spiritually draining.

Even when we fail to understand God’s purpose…we must trust His heart. I can promise that when you reach the mountain peak, you will look back and see The Lord’s guiding in every step of the journey. You may have callous on your feet from the long and tedious trek up that mountain, but guard your heart from becoming calloused toward The Lord. He is for you.

Pray and ask The Lord to sustain you. You are not on this Faith Journey alone. He’s your guide. So, let Him guide…you follow.

I am continually lifting you up before the Father. Until tomorrow…