“Revolution-a sudden, complete or marked change in something”
Revolution?! Change?! What?! I know, right?! Change is almost a dirty word. Most of us hate it, if we’re honest. However, my goal is to show you that change in the form of what I like to call a REVOLUTION, can be amazing! It’s going against the grain and forging your own way of doing things based on your faith, family, and deep personal convictions.
My goal is to simply share my story in hope that is might inspire others.
I am the wife of a pastor, 26 years and counting. We have 2 sons that are in college. Our oldest son, Ryan, is Deaf. Our youngest son, Landon, is leaving for college in a few weeks {SOB}! Some revolutions we start ourselves and others are thrust upon us. Because Ryan is Deaf, we are a signing family. Most of my life, I have had to forge my own revolution because I had no real resources to draw from. We were completely clueless about raising a Deaf child. Prayer, Prayer, and more Prayer were the only options we had. It was through those prayers that God placed the right people in our lives at the perfect time.
There have been amazing milestones and unexpected turns along our revolution journey. I am excited to get started…
Making faith decisions that are unpopular are hard. Yesterday, we learned that our God cannot be confined to cultural or even expert opinions.
But what about our own mental blocks on our Faith Journey? What about the times we were so certain that our way was right, we convinced ourselves that it must be God’s plan?
I shared in Day 9 how we became connected to “The Parent Infant Hearing Impaired Program.” I had built such a strong relationship with the Deaf Education teacher, Kathy, that came to our home 3 times a week to teach Ryan and I Sign Language.
This program is for Deaf and Hard-of-Hearing children ages birth through three. Well, Ryan was now three years old. That meant we had to begin to navigate the IEP (Individual Education Plan) process. An IEP was for all students that needed specialized learning exceptions within the school system. Kathy prepared me as best she could for our pending IEP meeting and gave me information to read about being your child’s advocate.
I had the option to keep Ryan at home and continue with Kathy or enroll him in a pre-K class especially for Deaf and hard-of-hearing children. I was warned by Kathy that the IEP team (who didn’t even know my Ryan) would be giving their expert opinions on why it would be best to enroll Ryan in pre-K early instead of continuing to teach him at home.
WELL…I was having none of that. Expert opinions???!!They were NOT experts about my child. Ryan was too young to go to school. He needed me. He was still using his walker. Yep! I was prepared for this IEP meeting and ready to stand my ground!
The day of the meeting, I took an 8 x 10 picture of Ryan and placed it in the center of the table. I said, “if we are going to be discussing, based on your expert opinions, what’s best for Ryan Caleb Smith; I wanted you to have a visual image of him.” They were taken a back somewhat but continued on with their agenda. I stated my position of continuing education at home until Ryan was older. I stood my ground and they finally relented. Victory! Must be God’s plan, right?!
The teacher of the pre-K and kindergarten Deaf and Hard-of-Hearing class made her way around the table to me as the others were finishing paperwork. Her name was Katie. She said she fully supported my decision and understood completely. She did make an offer for Ryan and I to visit her classroom for summer school. She explained that it would be a great opportunity for Ryan to socialize with other hearing impaired children who signed.
That was a reasonable offer, I thought. It might be good for Ryan to be around other kids that were able to sign with him. A couple of weeks later, I packed Ryan and I lunch and we headed off to summer school together.
I was blown away by Katie, her assistant (Sandy), and these amazing children. Katie was a human, signing “Barney.” She was animated with her signs and facial expressions. She kept the kids attention during story and calendar time. Ryan was mesmerized by her and so was I. We had a wonderful time.
I decided we would go back to summer school the next day…together. I was treating it kind of like a “mommy and me” date. However, Ryan had other plans. We opened the classroom door, Ryan rolled in with his walker, signed “I Love You, Bye-Bye,” and shut the door in my face.
Ms. Sandy quickly opened the door and saw my stunned expression and gave me a hug. “He’ll be fine…why don’t you come back in an hour. If we need you, we’ll call you,” she chuckled and shut the door. So, still a little stunned and hurt, quite frankly. I left Ryan at school.
When I returned to pick him up, Ryan did not want to leave. He signed, “school, tomorrow…yes.” Well…that was that! Much to my shock and against what I just knew was best…I swallowed my pride, contacted the IEP lead, and enrolled Ryan in school at age 3.
Ron and I had a good laugh about the school incident over dinner that night. We both realized that parenting Ryan was going to be a long string of situations where God was going to have to re-direct us.
Ryan thrived under the teaching of Ms. Katie and Ms. Sandy. I did too. They taught me so much. I am so grateful the Master Dot-Connector was still actively leading us to the right people to accomplish his plan in our lives.
Read Ephesians 3:14-21
In the midst of trials, what does Paul pray that we will comprehend?
Write out verse 20 and 21:
What is The Lord able to do in and through your life?
“…abundantly beyond what we ask or think according to His power that works within us.”
Be open to His change of direction in your life. Be willing to release what you thought was good in exchange for His best. I would have missed a huge blessing in mine and Ryan’s life if I had continued to be dogmatic with my idea of right.
I wonder how many blessings we miss because of pride…refusal to change or admit we were wrong? Change is inevitable. Let God be the Way-Changer in your life. Don’t get so stuck on your idea of good, that you miss God’s best.
Pray for boldness to set aside pride and humble yourself when needed. Be open to His change of direction. You won’t be disappointed.
Lifting you up before the throne today. Onward, sister!
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On Day 11 we took a little Faith Journey detour. We had just dropped out youngest off at college and I felt led by the Holy Spirit to share my thoughts and heart on that emotional milestone.
Back on the road. Today, we will learn that God does not always work within the confines of cultural or worldly expertise. He’s God. He has a plan. Many times His plan means having the courage to step-out in faith in the midst of unpopular decisions that go against cultural or expert opinions.
Ryan was progressing well. He was able to communicate his basic wants and needs through Sign Language and was getting around in his walker with speed, but not necessarily with accuracy. Our poor walls and furniture took quite a beating.
Simultaneously (for almost a year), we had been testing various kinds of hearing aids. To our dismay, none worked. Ryan did, however, learn that if you take them off and throw them across the room…mommy runs, frantically. He thought that was hilarious. Hearing aids are NOT cheap, of course, I fetched them.
I had done a lot of research and talked with his ENT about an internal hearing device called a Cochlear Implant. At that time, it was still experimental and considered a last resort. Well, we were at our last resort. The surgery, itself, was intense and there was no guarantee it would work.
I, also, discovered in my research that the Cochlear Implant was frowned upon by many in the Deaf community. The general consensus was that hearing parents were trying to “fix” their Deaf children and that the choice should be left up to the child when they were old enough to make the decision.
The problem with waiting is that the part of your brain that processes sound begins to shut down, around age 5, if it’s not stimulated. In addition, the ability to produce speech is greatly diminished as well.
As parents, we want the best for our children. It’s our responsibility to give them every opportunity at our disposal. So that, they can become whatever God has planned for them. Ron and I discussed and prayed exhaustively over this decision. We prayerfully decided to move ahead with the Cochlear Implant. Our prayer was not to “fix” Ryan’s deafness, but to open up possibilities. Then later, allow Ryan make his own decision to continue to use the Cochlear Implant or not.
So, eight weeks before Ryan’s 3rd birthday, he had surgery to receive the internal portion of his Cochlear Implant. It was a 5 hour procedure and 6 weeks of healing time. Looking back, I am so thankful Ryan had a year of Sign Language before the CI surgery. We did not miss a step in communication what-so-ever.
Six weeks later, through the miracle of technology, our Ryan heard mine and his dad’s voice for the very first time. I will never forget it…that day is forever an Ebenezer in my life.
In the weeks that followed, Ryan began “hearing therapy.” He had never heard sound before. He was very much like a new-born baby learning and processing sounds all around him. We were strongly encouraged by the speech and language specialist to discontinue Sign Language. We tried to be open-minded and set an appointment with a suggested school that specialized in speech without using Sign.
While we were in the waiting room, there was a video playing about the school and their methodology. After a few minutes, Ron and I looked at each other, shook our heads and walked out. This was not what God desired for us or for Ryan. We were not giving up the only communication Ryan had. We would work on his speech while continuing Sign Language. This method is called “total communication.” This was a significant decision for us. But, at the time, we did not realize just how important it was to our call in the not so distant future.
Read Isaiah 55: 8-11
Explain in your own words what these verses mean to you.
Read Psalm 103: 11-12
What does The Lord have toward us?
Tell about a time in your life God asked you to “go against” the cultural or expert advice you received. What happened?
When you and I have established a faithful trust walk with The Lord in our life, we are able to step-out and follow Him even when it’s not the most popular idea. His ways are higher than ours. He has great loving kindness toward us. His leading doesn’t always guide us down the easy path but it will lead us down the best path…one step closer to our calling.
**Warning** On this note… Please understand that going “against the grain” of popular consensus does NOT mean going against God’s Word. That’s not God’s leading, it’s the enemy’s. Do not be deceived, my friend!
Pray for those decisions you need to make that are not popular but that you KNOW The Lord is leading you toward. Ask Him for the courage to step out in faith.
We are a little more than a third of the way in our Faith Journey together…stay with me. Jesus is worth the trek! Praying for you…
On Day 9, we focused on the fact that Jesus is faithful even when we are faithless. I find that comforting. When I am struggling with my faith…He’s still faithful. I shared our decision to learn and teach Ryan sign language.
Ron and I decided to take parallel paths in our approach to Ryan’s deafness…sign language AND technology. We were actively learning about different kinds of hearing aids that would help Ryan hear and understand sound. Ryan’s ENT (Ear, Nose, and Throat Specialist) wanted him to have an MRI to detect any inner ear abnormalities that would possibly be reversible with surgery.
The MRI revealed that Ryan was missing his Semicircular Canals. Semicircular Canals are basically your balance center. They are responsible for sending signals to the brain that help you keep your balance. Well, Ryan did not have those. At two and a half years old Ryan had learned to sit up but was not walking yet. He was in physical therapy twice a week but it had not helped.
Of course our next question to Ryan’s ENT was if he would ever be able to walk. His answer…possibly. He explained that Ryan’s balance would have to be learned. It was not instinctual for him. The ENT felt it would be possible… but it would be difficult.
“Lord, Ryan may or may not walk?! Okay, You and me…we need to talk…spare bedroom!”
Interestingly, this time in the spare bedroom I was not overwhelmed, I was not discouraged, I was not having a faith crisis. I was in warrior mommy mode. “Lord, I will do everything within my power to help Ryan walk. I need you to help me do that, please.” I was determined that if Ryan was unable to walk, it was not for lack of trying.
Ryan was strong-willed and I was sure he was up for the challenge. So, we found him a pint-sized walker and set about teaching him to use it. Simultaneously, we were testing out different hearing aids each month to see if Ryan would benefit from any of them. More on that to come.
Read Colossians 1:9-13
This is a letter that states how Paul and Timothy were praying over the church at Colossae.
What did Paul ask The Lord to “fill” the followers of Christ with?
He asked that they be filled, so that they could accomplish what?
It took over two and a half years, but this little girl was growing up spiritually. I had cried before The Lord, vented my anger and frustration, and grieved the loss of normalcy. He faithfully listened and provided guidance, wisdom, and help along my Faith Journey. I was now resolved that He was my wisdom Giver and faithful Provider in every situation. That did not mean I was not overwhelmed at times, but I had come to know and experience His faith affirming presence too often to deny. He was filling me up with His holiness “so that I would bear fruit in every good work and grow in the knowledge of God.”
How is The Lord “filling you up” in the knowledge of Him? Pray and thank Him for His active work of refining in your life. He has a purpose in the preparation…Hang in there!
Ryan and his walker…he was quite the little speedster!
Going before the Father on your behalf. Stay on the faith path, my friend!
On Day 8, I shared about the cross-road I faced on my own Faith Journey. One path named “bitter” and the other named “better.” I reluctantly chose to travel the “better” path. I chose obedience over my feelings of frustration and anger. I had to recall that “Thus far, The Lord has helped me” and that He would not abandon me now.
Our Ryan was almost 2 years old and Deaf. I was, again, dependent on “The Master Dot-Connector” to help me with every decision. I was completely clueless about deafness and needed The Lord’s guidance.
Through much research and prayer, Ron and I chose to teach Ryan sign language. We were exploring hearing aid options but Ryan was 2-years old with NO language. He was exhibiting extreme frustration and tantrums because we could not communicate with him and vice versa. Thankfully, God connected us to our local school district’s “Parent-Infant Hearing Impaired Program.”
This program provided sign language therapy for infants from birth to 3 years of age. We were assign a Deaf Education teacher named Kathy. She came to our home 3 days a week to teach Ryan, and myself sign language. Then, I would teach my husband what we had learned in the evening.
Kathy was an amazing blessing to my life. I would watch intently as she would teach Ryan different signs. As she was teaching, she would explain to me her methodology and how I would implement this with Ryan through our homework assignments.
Ryan was a quick learner and took to signing like a fish to water. However, he was a very determined and strong-willed little boy. One day while Kathy was there, Ryan decided to have a melt-down. Kathy watched as I tried to, ineptly, discipline him. She could sense my frustration and asked if she could share some insight…I welcomed the help!
Kathy explained that in sign language, facial expressions and body language are just as important as the sign itself. While I was signing, “no, wrong behavior,” my facial expressions were not showing Ryan that I was upset with him. She went on to explain that I was smiling while telling him “no.” I had no idea I was doing that. Ryan was just so darn cute, he made me smile even when he was being cantankerous.
Then, I watched Kathy tell Ryan “no” in sign language with a facial expression that showed she meant business. Ryan immediately settled down.
Oh my GOODNESS…this precious women had just changed my life! She had shared the secret sauce of “signing discipline.” I felt silly at first, but I started signing with facial expressions that matched the signs and emotion I was trying to convey. Ryan was learning when mommy was happy AND when she was not so happy with his behavior. Life Changing!!!!! Hallelujah! I was beginning to feel like maybe I could do this sign language thing with Ryan.
At first the diagnosis of Ryan being profoundly Deaf and the daunting list of decisions we needed to make were quite overwhelming to say the least. As I shared yesterday, I almost let it paralyze my Faith Journey. But gently, taking one day at a time, I was heading down my “better” path a little stronger each day…with Jesus guidance.
Read 2 Timothy 2:11-13
Write verse 13 in your own words:
Even when we are faithless He is faithful. That’s his character. He cannot disown Himself (verse 13-in my own words). Jesus is our enduring strength for the journey.
In the New Testament, NIV translation, the word faith is used 458 times. I think that means it’s pretty important, wouldn’t you?!
Maybe you needed a reminder today that He is faithful even when we are faithless, lack faith, or are facing a crisis of faith. We need to understand, Jesus is not impressed with our ability to have faith in our faith…to talk the talk but not walk the walk. That’s false faith. Our faith is not established in our pretending to be faithful. Our actions should be an overflow of genuine faith and trust in the only One who is called Faithful. If you lack faith…ask Him for it.
Pray and seek the Lord today with what’s on your plate. Ask him to continually remind you of His faithfulness…one-day-one-decision-at-a-time. Faith is a journey not a race. Slow and steady…
Thank you to those that have shared your struggles both publicly by comment or privately by email. I am humbled that you would take this Faith Journey and are finding benefit and comfort through His Word and my God-story.
Praying with and for you, sweet one. Keep up the great work!
Look at that sweet face! Now can you understand why not smiling while disciplining was hard at first? LOL!
On Day 8, I shared Ryan’s diagnosis that changed everything about our lives. Our Ryan was Deaf. We had to grieve his hearing loss much like you would grieve a death. The Lord could not bring healing to our hurts until we accepted His will, whatever that may be.
The last stage of the grief process is acceptance. I want to be completely honest with you, friends. The Lord and I had come a long way together on our Faith Journey. He had grown me up spiritually in ways that I would not trade for anything. But, even with the great distance The Lord and I had traveled together…I was struggling to find His goodness in Ryan’s deafness. I was standing at a cross-road on my Faith Journey. I could turn away from my Savior in anger and become bitter OR I could cling to Him with what little strength I had and allow Him to make me better.
So, at this cross-road, do I choose the path named “bitter” or the path named “better?” If I choose “bitter,” that would mean doing life without the help and guidance of The Lord. I would need to depend on MY wisdom…that’s scary. If I chose “better,” that would mean complete acceptance of our situation, allowing His healing of our broken hearts, and completely leaning on His guidance and wisdom.
Kicking and screaming…I chose the path named “better.” I let The Lord know I was not happy about it. But, came to a place of acceptance.
In every situation, we have a choice. I chose the path leading to “better.” It was my choice of obedience over my feelings. I was not, at all, feeling happy that my child was Deaf. However, The Lord’s desire was/is not to make me happy. It’s to make me holy. He was asking me to look back at our Faith Journey together and remember who He is and what He has done thus far.
Read 1 Samuel 7: 1-12
The Israelites are a fascinating people. One minute they are serving and praising God. The next, they are making and worshipping golden calves. They had experienced the literal presence of God and seen His miracles first hand. And yet, they had a pattern of forgetting all God had done for them when things got tough.
In 1 Samuel 7, Israel was is bad shape. Their cities were in shambles, armies destroyed, and they were being bullied by the Philistines. Why? They were disobedient to God. But, the Israelites had come to a place of desperation and needed God’s help. Verse 2 says that, “all of Israel lamented (mourned) and sought The Lord.” Samuel called them to repent with all their heart and turn back to God. They chose to be obedient to God.
Because of the Israelites obedience, God sent confusion over the Philistines and what was left of the Israelite army defeated them.
Write out 1 Samuel 7: 12
What did Samuel “set-up?” Why?
An “Ebenezer” or “stone of help,” was set-up as a remembrance that “thus far The Lord has helped us.”
We should regularly set-up Ebenezers is our own lives. Your Ebenezers do not have to be actual stones. Use prayer journals or your Bible Study workbooks to record your prayers and how The Lord works in your life.
We need to be reminded often that “Thus far, The Lord has helped us.” So that, when we are standing at a cross-road on our Faith Journey, we can look back and remember His faithfulness. Then, confidently and obediently (not necessarily with happiness), choose the path named “better.”
Pray and give thanks, “Thus far, The Lord has helped us.” He’s not gonna stop now. He’s got too many plans for your sweet life!
Choose the faith path named “better” today. I’m praying for you, my friend!
It was the end of summer, 1997, Ryan was 18 months old. My husband and I were waiting for the audiologist to finish Ryan’s sedated hearing test. Because Ryan did not receive a hearing test while he was in NICU after his birth, his pediatrician set the appointment for us. It was routine… Just another doctor’s appointment to add to the growing list.
Finally, after an hour, we were called back to be with Ryan and learn the test results. The audiologist took a deep breath and said, “your son is profoundly deaf. We did the test twice just to be sure. Ryan can not hear anything out of either ear… I’m so very sorry.”
We did not expect that AT ALL. We were in denial and completely ignorant…Ryan seemed so keenly aware of his surroundings and babbled like crazy. In fact, one of Ryan’s specialists rang a bell next to his head and he turned. Deaf, really?! This was just supposed to be an easy, routine appointment for once!!! We were in shock.
The next day, I was playing with Ryan on our living room floor. He was laughing out loud enjoying our playtime together. I looked at him in disbelief. This child could not possible be deaf. I decided to do my own home hearing test. I went around the corner and began to bang pot and pans hoping for a reaction…Nothing. Then, I turned on our stereo full blast…Nothing. I called his name from around the corner just out of his line of sight…Nothing.
Over the next days and weeks, I began to set my mind on finding a solution. The questions swirling around in my head were about hearing aids, sign language, retesting, and about a million other things I was completely clueless about. I spent hours on the phone talking with doctors, audiologists, and specialists trying to find out how to “fix” Ryan’s deafness. 20 years ago, the web was slow and tedious. So, I began reading books about deafness from the library and tracking down people who could help me better understand what we were facing.
During this time of my “solution seeking expedition” regarding Ryan’s deafness, I decided to take him to “story-time” at our church library. It was a fun time with my friends and their toddlers. The librarian was a skilled story-teller and always made it memorable. This was our first time back since Ryan’s diagnosis.
As the librarian began telling the story, I got a lump in my throat as I held back tears. Ryan could not hear the inflection and excitement in her voice. I watched the other toddlers getting excited with each turn of the page. Ryan… had no reaction at all. Why had I not noticed this before?
Story time ended, I did not stay around for fellowship. I could not get out of there fast enough! I barely got Ryan buckled into his car seat before I burst into tears. My first instinct was to drive directly to my mom’s house…. she was not home. Then, I tried to call my husband, Ron, at work…. he was unavailable.
I had no choice…God was calling me to Himself.
I rushed home, got Ryan settled in for a nap, and headed to my spare bedroom “prayer altar” yet again. My Ryan could hear NOTHING. Sound had no meaning to him what-so-ever. He did not know the sound of mine or his dad’s voice. He never heard the millions of times I said, “I Love You.” I’m Ryan’s mom, how did I miss the signs?! Would he ever hear my voice?! Oh Lord, how could this possibly be your will?! How can any good come from this at all?!
As I have shared, this was not the first time I have cried out to The Lord over Ryan. But this time was different. I had to completely release my ideas of “normal” in relation to our precious son. I was literally grieving Ryan’s diagnosis of profound deafness much like you would someone’s death. Over the next several weeks, I experienced all 5 stages of grief:
Our lives would be forever different. We had a deaf son. What did our “new normal” even look like?
Read Psalm 146:
In verses 6-9, list those that The Lord upholds, helps, sets free, heals, loves, watches over, and sustains:
Are you on that list? Yep! You are not forsaken or overlooked, my friend.
Imagine standing in the middle of a valley surrounded by mountains on every side. The only way out is to go up and over a mountain. Do you think the journey will be easy? Absolutely not! The task seems overwhelming, tiresome, emotionally and spiritually draining.
Even when we fail to understand God’s purpose…we must trust His heart. I can promise that when you reach the mountain peak, you will look back and see The Lord’s guiding in every step of the journey. You may have callous on your feet from the long and tedious trek up that mountain, but guard your heart from becoming calloused toward The Lord. He is for you.
Pray and ask The Lord to sustain you. You are not on this Faith Journey alone. He’s your guide. So, let Him guide…you follow.
I am continually lifting you up before the Father. Until tomorrow…
Look at that sweet face! Now can you understand why not smiling while disciplining was hard at first? LOL!
